I just realized i haven't had sex in 2009. oh man thats embarrassing.
On my list on ridiculous morning after bus rides home, still sopping wet and carrying a giant straw hat is definitely top five
It's like I'm snorkeling in an ocean of tequila.
she asked him to cuddle cuz she was cold and instead he got up, moved the space heater to her side of the bed, and went back to sleep
he doesn't even text me anymore.. he just facebook chats me a shark emoticon which has turned into code for 'be naked at my house in 15 mins'
In complete seriousness I think I am the highest person on earth
Its not that hard, just find a girl reading 50 shades of grey and point her my way
we broke the bed, curtan rods, a dresser drawer, and unless I didn't notice it before, we put a hole in the wall. This is why he and I have to fuck in motels.
If I had a vagina, my apartment would have been the Atlantic
I gave the bike taxi guy a blowjob because I didn't have any cash. College.
Im playing a game I have to take a drink every time my gram asks me the same question hammered by 4 guaranteed...
Are you drunk? You left me a voicemail at 5:59 AM of you making dolphin sounds.
we bonded over knowing every word to freaky gurl by gucci mane so it’s kinda starting to make sense why I gave him head in his cul de sac
ya figured it'd be nice to explore the mythical world of sober sex i've heard so much about
i've often wondered how it works
You and I both know it takes more than prescription narcotics to keep our family down. See you around ten, brother.
Randomize
