Omg. If Ina Garten Makes roast chicken one more time im going to strangle her with her white button down
It was like his mom forgot to breastfeed him and he was making up for lost time.
At McDonald's last night the guy gave you the wrong kind of McFlurry, so you screamed at him, "YOU MCFUCKED UP."
swear to god some girl just crawled out of the washing machine. this is intense.
Just woke up next to our cab driver from last night. Please tell me this isn't happening.
You told them that the brownies were safe, and then pointed to a passed out Ryan and said "see?"
I'm not sure any amount of coworker judgement will keep me from eating oatmeal with dinosaur eggs.
I am so hung over a medically induced coma is beginning to sound appealing.
I was just handed a bible on my walk of shame....are you there god? its tequila tuesday's hangover
ders ninda duuude pooring goden shots ov glory. I see em an i dont but there hear.
are you attempting voice recognition while drunk again?
Showed up physical therapy hammered. The therapist just says this isnt part of the program.
And then he dove into my vagina like scrooge mcduck into a room of gold
You are the human incarnation of a drinking problem
And by "I love him" I mean "I want his tongue down my throat.
Well when you come back we can have a huge bitch fit...or get really drunk....whichever comes first
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