just woke up with a thong on my face, dont remember going home with anyone and its way too big for it to be a good thing
he suggested we appoligize to eachother. then do blow and painkillers & have ourselves a make-up party.
Before I left in the morning I deleted her purity ring app off her iPod, I figured it would save her the shame
How do you have time to get laid so much in law school?
I like to set goals for myself. for example, he was my first libertarian
I can already almost taste penis in my mouth
My dick hurts from so many people grabbing it last night. We're not going back to that club
I WAS JUST SITTING HERE BEING SNIFFED BY ODD WOMEN FOR A SOLID 5 MINUTES. My face was a twist of utter fear and confusion...
Thanks for letting me in last night. I was drunkenly sleepwalking.
Trying not to look at her chest is like trying to not hear a fire engine racing by.
And i'll likely end up sleeping in a bush wrapped up in my poncho
She proposed we share a dildo. Hopefully she was joking.
Are you texting, crying and driving?
And missing part of my eyebrow. Correct that is the description one would give of me at the moment.
Like who needs a job and family when you can get drunk for free with strippers?
I woke up naked wrapped in a wolf blanket on the bathroom floor
bitch dont make me pour hotsauce in your vagina
Randomize
