What did we do last night that was yellow?
ok, im coming! i just found some lemon square in my bangs, washing that out..this shit is all over me! was i in a pie eating contest?
yes
did i win? did you like my outfit? or should i change, if you were horny would you bang me?
You wanted to speak to the manager of mcdonalds as to why a "bag of cheeseburgers" isn't a menu option.
we just drove by a car that was painted for a grad, it said "you done it!" with a confederate flag bumper sticker next to it. i love kentucky
Thanks for not waking me up before the firefighters chopped down my door
All i remember was you crying naked on the bathroom floor because you were cold. I got you a blanket and you kept kicking it off and crying because you were still cold.
Chasing shots with sriracha-covered mini toast was, in retrospect, not the best idea.
Remember when I asked you to make sure I didn't go home with anything less than a 6 last night? You're fired
I don't know which is worse, the fact that he can say will you fuck me in so many languages or that I'm turned on because of that
I've never seen an uncircumcised dick in real life and the internet indicates I don't want to.
Two ladies just showed up with my fucking purse. It was in the fucking street. I'm a train wreck. As a financial advisor, this shouldn't happen. I should be an adult.
I have bruises all over my body. Seriously, I'm a train wreck. I'm too damn old for hangovers like this.
I thought I was heading girls talk. It was the toilet. Like put my ear to it
We go out, we get drunk, we watch Star Wars, we pass out. What's wrong with this tradition?
Is this a Beer, Vodka or Whiskey kind of problem solving night? It's imperative I stock accordingly.
Questions like that are why I love you.
am i the only one who finds it a little awkward seeing as we all made out last night?
Randomize
