My grandmother just explained bulimia to me as a diet
I just found a Chris Hansen soundboard online, care to guess what I'll be doing all day?
So for Valentine's Day...I finally swallowed. I feel like I earned that steak.
How in the hell did I take a shot of whiskey to the eyeball last night?
I had to explain to my dentist that my tooth was chipped because we designated my mouth as the official way to open beer. I feel like our level of partying is no longer socially acceptable.
Sincerely would love to tap that, on a mountain with the wind blowing on your pubes .
We legit stopped the the game so that Jamie and I could throw up in the bushes, and then continue to play intramurals... this is what my life is coming to1
If I had to summarise my weekend I would do so using the words "horrifying romanian moonshine"
The next time you try to drunkenly strip me in public let's make sure it's not anywhere near the daiquiri factory or a group of police officers.
I desperately wanted to wear your shirt.
There are people taking shots out of a turtle shell.
He's saved in my phone as 'MURICA. I think it's safe to say I'm not exactly taking him seriously.
a homeless man let us know that my friend was asleep in the bushes outside my house on main street. So just a small get together.
I just heard a crying baby from out my apartment window and yelled SAME
As I walked across the lawn after the party got busted, an officer told me to chug my beer before I left the premises.
No, this year you're all getting coupons for things like "no yelling because you had sex in my apartment" or "the last beer."
Randomize
