he's going on about how he's going to treat me right and wants to let himself be in love with me and spend a lot of time together. kids these days. like its not about sex anymore. i'm confused.
And we started making out. She asked me to pick a number between 1 and 10. I said 6. She took me to her room. A few minutes later I wasnt a virgin. DUDE I WAS GOING TO SAY 2.
You need to come back and get me. This is not a jersey shore party and he is not dressed as Pauly D and I am about one shot away from hooking up with a real fist pumping Guido.
So you really have to stop introducing me to girls and afterwards saying "he has his dick pierced" let them find out for themselves
there's a wings menu taped to my wall. don't tell me i don't have my priorities straight.
I feel like everyone would be happy with that as a present too. "Oh you got me pussy for Christmas?! How'd you know?!"
Wake up. Pour coffee. Open blinds. Guy is skipping class and jacking off furiously to Asian porn. Close blinds. Finish coffee. So this must be what med school is like.
Just found weed in an empty handle. Who knew Capitan Morgan was also a gardener?
he has to serve us drink and appetizers in his french maid costume for the Pirates game tonight. Bring everyone.
Also food confession I ate an entire bag of starburst jelly beans today. and a plan B. All around think I hit all my nutrients
I think my fortune cookie is telling me I give good blowjobs.
She's not answering my calls
Well it sounds like you really fucked up
WHO HOLDS A GRUDGE OVER MEMES
He just told me I was beautiful, whilst I peed into a cup. If this isn't love I don't know what is.
Reminder to self: never have sex on a trampoline. Trampoline burn hurts worse than carpet burn.
Look, I need your help, not your judgment.
Randomize
