whoa...plan B gets you drunker quicker.
The guy dancing on me has three visible teeth. WHERE ARE YOU?
i watch way too much csi for them to even pretend to be my friend.
did we hook up?
no, because you kept repeating "itty bitty titties" when i took off my shirt
You know its going to be a good homecoming when you beer bong a mimosa at 6am.
I think the phrase "baptist college" should be an oxymoron.
So my professor just changed my Final to 7:45am on May 6th. Shouldn't a Spanish professor understand the implications of Cinco de Mayo???
It was good I woke up with my mattress on top of me. I walked around naked the whole night as people wished my Happy Birthday.
I feel like the other woman.
You ARE the other woman.
What's the policy for hitting on a girl at a funeral? She seems more bored than sad.
The orgasm outlasted the Charlie horse. Pros and cons.
I left my ice cream out over night, it's melted, fuck this, I just poured Bailey's in it. Problems solved.
I'm officially removing you from my nudes recipient list on snapchat.
This is the third time this month a guy I’m not dating has dumped me. How is this even possible???
He gave me a brownie at the beginning of class and now I can't feel my face.
Randomize
