I cut you off after you tried to do a shot out of a neti pot, down your nose.
explains the nose bleeds.
so i was dancing to the glee soundtrack with highheels. i tripped. and the dildo fell on my face. i dont know what happened.
dude I heard her through my door. She sounded like you were holding her head under water and they letting her up for air. I recorded that shit
somehow we got the entire party to start singing "ill make a man out of you" from mulan. needless to say, that kid had the best keg stand i'd ever seen.
Are we going out tonight?
My conscience says no but my vag says yes
his face was nice enough, but his choice of footwear screamed columbian drug lord
i'm going as a slutty football player, and all night i'll drunkily whisper "id love to catch your balls." into random strangers ears.
I awoke this morning alone and naked in my bed I forecast my date later not going so well because I have three giant hickies on my neck there is a note next to my bed that looks a 3rd grader wrote it on my college acceptance letter
sending him nudies in gran's hospital bathroom. you?
People were running around punching out the ceiling tiles Super Mario style.
Usually I just ask myself "have I been naked here?" If the answer is no I correct the situation.
If walking through the neighborhood with a bottle of tequila and margarita mix is postgrad life, I'm okay with it
Being severely attracted to someone you find is your cousin just made my list of top 10 worst feelings
Totally just got spotted hitting the bowl by someone else hitting a bowl. We gave each other a head nod
you were grinding on the cop whispering for him to lend you his tazer.
Randomize
