Disney World has no open container laws. Ohmygod this place is even cooler than it was when I was ten.
There needs to be a newsfeed for phones... A list of all my drunken calls, texts, BBMs, new contacts, pictures sent AND received, all in chronological order.
The last thing i remember was high fiving everyone on the planet.
I froze in his sixty one degree room but i came so hard. Like fucking the eskimo god.
The story about him having a girlfriend changed real fast when he found out that I was a gymnast
just went to my meeting with last nights make up still on, not wearing a bra, and the 14 shot tallies still on my wrist.. My advisor's questions should be answered as to why I'm not in my major yet.
Almost screamed "GO FISH MOTHER FUCKER" at the girl I nanny today. Drunken card games shouldn't bleed into my sober life.
I WANT TO. I JUST IMAGINE HIS BEAUTIFUL BLONDE HEAD INBETWEEN MY LEGS AND I BREAK DOWN AND START CRYING.
That's not as bad as watching a dumb ass drunk peeing into your window fan -
A man just squeezed past me in a tight space and said, "Excuse us."
I'm suffering a hangover from deep within. I feel like the half of the parts of my body are permanently laced with alcoholic substances
lets start a news segment called WHY IS LEOS CROTCH BURNING TODAY
just like fucking own it. stare that cop in the eye and just keep masturbating "yeah motherfucker Im high as shit and this feels great"
He was trying to break into my apartment to get the coke he left last night, didn't engage parking break, so the van started rolling. yup, it's broken.
Oh god, I forgot we had sex to Elton John
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