she must wash her vagina with a dirtier vagina
not sure what i find more disconcerting, your text or the fact that i recognized that as a dane cook quote
I puked off the balcony.
Not horrible
Into the hottub. There were six people in it. I had eaten all their pizza.
also: i found my "nug jug", actually the baby did, but either way it got returned to its rightful owner
There was a reason that "Throat Warrior 2011" was written on my martini glass. He said my title was undisputed.
Absolute soulmates or functional alcoholics?
Can't be the first without the last
You remember that guy i fucked in Ireland who stopped in the middle to talk about why he had 8 pillows on his bed? Yeah he's following me on twitter...
Sweet. I'm actually coaching my work study into a 4-girl orgy so dinner was kinda important. Yes, I'm the best boss ever.
You have not lived until you've puked on your sequined UGGs in the Rite Aid parking lot while going to buy emergency contraceptives.
Please tell me you're not home alone watching Glitter.
Can you see in?
My heart feels like a grape in a barrel about to be crushed into wine
Went kayaking. drunk. DID NOT FALL IN. Mission succesful.
I'm gonna eat more dunkaroos to cope with what's in my vagina.
You full on peed your pants then resurrected yourself like Jesus Christ...
then I ended up getting a lapdance from my TA...I love college.
Best part though was when he wanted to cuddle and I was like, I'm going to go.
Randomize
