I hope as the only other living being in this apartment you can explain to me why the toilet was full of cheerios this morning.
id like to point out that while i was just peeing a condom fell out of my vag.
Just waterfalled in the movie theatre... this is the beginning to a good night
Seriously. My exes act like they own shares of my vagina.
Well, in their defense, they have invested a lot of time and money
she definitely blew him on the riverbank, some lady floated past and said "have some pride honey", amazingly awkward
She said i kept moaning her moms name instead of hers
who put toothpaste on EVERY doorknob in my house?!
Its like no one cares im drunk naked wet and ready to throw myself at some one hold on i found a solution to my problems
I love pie. Pie understands me and the spatula
My car smells like beer, you're here in spirit
He tried to introduce me to one of his friends that kept looking at me and I said "OH NO! I can't do this shit anymore!!" It was like I had a vision of what drunk me would've done in about 20 minutes.
How do u explain to your grandma that your relationship status is hooking up with randoms at a bar
We need to know if his feet match his cock.
I picked up a towel, and butt beads fell out of it.
Oh yeah... Surprise!
It's beautiful. It's what jesusxwants. I should send you a pic of my boobs out of friendship
How drunk were you? in an effort to seduce him, you demonstrated your lap dance skillz on his dog.
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