I just saw grafitti that read "Mug The Fart Eater". Really, Memphis? That's all you've got?
Call me immediately, my only recent boy news involves me biting a dick.
She compares her life to Teen Mom. She's 28.
There's nothing like sitting directly behind someone you fucked 5 years ago at church on Easter Sunday
I fed him jelly beans while he fingered me. Win, win situation.
This is a rough morning for me
No, rough is puking in your froyo cup next to a five year old and her grandma.
This is the I'm sorry text for running around yelling don't shit on my rainbow, end up in the fetal position crying at 4 am in my car because someone shit on my rainbow
Hey, I'm making progress. I haven't thrown up in a bar while wearing a sweater vest in almost two months.
I'm just going to eat my milkshake, watch teen wolf, masturbate, and lament my inability to form meaningful relations with men who aren't gay
Do not ever get that redhead chem major high. Gave her a magic brownie and she sat in a corner and literally cried about organic chem. Never again.
Something I can get at drive through, boobs out, don't want to get out of the car
I wanted one last NYC adventure and I got it. Now I just have to figure out a polite way to wake up the pantless former stripper illegal Russian immigrant street violinist chick currently in a vodka coma in my bed.
There's nothing wrong with using cocaine to keep my heart rate up in my fitness class.
in the future we should consider sippy cups so we can drink and passout accordingly
The work outs are working. Someone just said my body type was “Tits On A Stick”.
Randomize
