Jake was my 1st thought but I seriously thought u already did him... & then there's the getting the clap story... so I settled on Ben for my guess.
I have done Jake, not Ben. But this was fresh meat. And P.S. it was ghonnerea.
Ahh, yes. It's apparently too early in the morning to keep your partners and their std's straight.
My life is like the prequel to "40 Year Old Virgin"
home. puking in laundry basket.
At least you're going to bed with all the teeth you woke up with
SO stoned. Sitting in just a thong in front of a fan. NO work for a WEEK! Life is good :)
You know its bad when you can over hear the planned parenthood nurses talking shit behind your back... they've seen everything
Can you explain my first weekend back, because there a lot of blacked out gaps and 32 friend requests i would like to know about
An attempt at squeezing a tomato to make a bloody mary just says desperation all over it....
His fuck buddy just got fake tits and wants him to 'come break them in.' I need his life.
My phone now knows what I type and it prompts me with frequently used words. And anytime I use "and" and hit the space key two of the words are "unicorn" and "sausage"
like stop just cause your whole life has been one enormous reject pile does not mean that i have to suffer too
I had to reschedule my trainer meeting so now I'm just here eating hot pockets
This dude is trying to sext and all I can think about is taco bell and their new crunch wrap sliders
I suggest both. Please have sex with them and prepare notes for a final comparison.
I'll do anything with you, except downhill sports and butt stuff.
Randomize
