Not only did a random toaster end up in my house last night, it's also full of skittles.
The nice sales man at 711 gave me a handful of free lighters for buying a carton of cigarettes. I guess the depressed damsel in distress look works for me.
Fun fact of the day the average american will consume 13248 beers in their lifetime.
So for us it's double that?
Precisely.
you were so drunk when the pizza guy got there you told him that you didn't have any money and would trade him the pizza for 3 Porno movies and he totally did it. I may never have to pay for pizza again
Best part of failing a semester of college: not having to buy books next semester. I can drink to that
Hahhaha I literally just rolled outta bed and went to get beer in my pj's and slippers. God I love graduating
Me too. We could do it like prostitutes. No kissing on the mouth.
The fact that you're allowing Santa to dry hump your ass is sort of a dealbreaker
Sorry about the whole your mom seeing my face up your ass situation
Is the mullet a good, great, or horrible idea before we leave for college
i mean hes a break dancing puerto rican, how do you think the sex was?
i can't even hate his new girlfriend cuz she survived a fucking brain tumor. like that's just not fair.
Now we just need to figure out why your underwear was in your bra
Buying a new pipe this morning, and setting up career plans this afternoon. It's called balance
But the real reason your aunt is drunk crying is because she has already had four margs and went for a 5th and someone is trying to stop her
Randomize
