I just wanted to let you know that if you dont tell me to stop texting i will still keep on trying, you matter to me
restraining order is on its way, crazy bitch
i just woke up to 15 people singing a whole new world
nothing says 'im willing to leave my comfort zone for you' like letting you choke me during sex
I tried to tell her I've only slept with 3 other people...she then named off 5 of her sorority sisters I fucked and asked me if she should continue
That sad moment when you flush your Molly down the toilet at the airport & watch your vacation slowly end..
No apologies necessary. Just give me sex and Pop Tarts, and we'll call it even.
I was stretching naked in the middle of my room singing "Somewhere Over the Rainbow", apparently this is what I do when I'm high and the wifi goes out
well theres no bloody mary mix at the campus bookstore so i dont even know what its good for
I just showed this kid my nipples to work my shift tmw
I'm pretty sure the Bible says "He who is most sober may cast the first stone."
It's not even noon and I've had 3 people call me a savage, one of them said it in reference to the blow job I gave them. So I guess you could say it's going to be a good weekend
I'm literally the definition of crunk, sunburnt, and dehydrated. I'm going to die tomorrow.
My boss and I ended up at the same strip club. We both got lap dances while talking about work.
Let’s be real here. NOTHING says Real Adulting like rolling a J on your line of credit paperwork.
Best single mom victory - getting eaten out in my dodge caravan in the hospital parkade at midnight.Three words: screaming multiple orgasms.
Randomize
