I am apparently in rockville maryland. I just threw up my tater tots I had fro brunch in a safeway parking lot. Then ordered a pizza. Pepperoni and pineapple. I'm sitting in the parking lot, next to my barf, waiting for my pizza. WOOF. Someone just gave me an oxycontin tab. Can u come get me? I'm scared
Do you remember last night at all? Be honest
I need to look at the pictures on my camera to fill in the gaps.
Correction, I've been on a lot of dates and a lot of dicks
Who would have sex with her? She looks like she shops at baby gap
They were like stripper heels, except business stripper heels, the kind strippers would wear to court.
Can we please stop calling your vagina the cave of wonders?
passed a homeless guy with a sign that read "420 vetran" we gave him a bowl of bud
It's okay. I've dumbed down my notes over the semester because I knew I wouldn't be up to understanding things come finals.
IM TRYING TO BE RESPONSIBLE AND ALL I WANT TO DO IS FUNNEL CHEAP BEER AND SCREAM ABOUT HOW MUCH I LOVE OUR NATION
Spent 20mins wondering why my roommate wouldn't answer after we were pounding on the door.....Def went to the wrong building.
i saw way too much penis for that to have been a funeral
Can we talk about the fact that a stranger is doing a line of coke off our living room table right now?
So this is what it's like to wake up with someone else's blood in your nose...
Was just trying to have a normal "I fucked you without a condom" adult conversation and she flipped
And despite my lack of successful relationships I'm a fucking guru
That's like claiming you're a good coach but going 2-12 last season
Randomize