True Life: I puke at bars and try to catch it in my hand...then walk away like it didn't happen
Also how the fuck did i get like 30 brown napkins
She was wearing a shirt that said "Just Do Me", holding a half of a bottle of Vodka, and was screaming at her friends "PUSSY JUST SWALLOW!" before she chugged the rest of the bottle.
Dude, if you don't take her, I will.
I just fell off my chair and knocked over the table. People are staring. That hungover.
After she came with my hands around her neck, she sat there for a minute and gave me the scuba diving sign for a-ok.
Obama is so hot when he ends wars.
on the way home I asked you what exit we get off at and your answer was "just like the goldfish"
I wrote my name on his balls in sharpie. In the homosexual world that's like a diamond ring. Shits permanent.
I just want to let it be known that I almost put my phone in the fridge.
Why am I getting texts saying are you ready for this butthole? Help
I was looking threw the photos on my phone. There is 8 different ones of us peeing on things.
A group of drunk Marines just serenaded me, never leaving this place
You seemed underwhelmed by my smooth, smooth ass
Dropped the bowl in the litter box. But it landed face up. What do I do?
I mean I faked it but he could answer my texts
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