Once you see the odd facial expressions and noises a guy makes while he is furiously beating off on top of you, it kind of puts things into perspective.
I just almost got out my car and drop kicked this one chick over parking. Welcome to the first day of spring semester.
FACT: the parking lot attendant was yelling "NO SEX HERE! NO SEX" at yall.
I slept in bed with them the night they met. I once peed on the bride. And now I get to give a speech at their wedding. Piece of cake.
just did a beer bong in the shower while i was taking an actual shower its officially football time
I did the walk of shame wearing his scrubs. Fucking med school students is the way to go.
That penis will go down in history. It's the Helen of Troy of dicks. I will conquer it and the tale will live on for future generations to learn from
Some kid just stopped wherever he was walking, turned to me, and gave me a slow clap. So I'm pretty sure my walk of shame beats yours.
He was 6'5 and wearing a kilt, how could I not fuck him
Drunk level: ugly crying in the bar upon discovery of sweet tarts and not smarties.
I’m going to cut back. New Year, New Me
I would never wish less dick on anyone but do what you gotta do
I WILL KICK YOU IN THE FUCKING THROAT IF YOU EAT MY FUCKING ICE CREAM.
I'm sorry i showed you my boobs.. I probably shouldn't have done that.
I mean that was the nicest way to be dumped by some one I wasn't dating.
It went from a "chill game of beer pong" to "absinthe body shots and a tits parade" in literally two minutes.
Told you inviting her was a good idea.
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