how the fuck am i supposed to make breakfast with spaghettios and mustard
i just passed a truck with a bumper sticker saying "i'd rather be cummin than strokin." god bless the midwest.
It was like a drunk episode of Dora the Explorer. In English.
Just watched a UNI fan at the bar lick the tears off of a KU fans face.. See what march madness does to people
Just learned the hard way that dicks can bruise the back of your throat to the extent that you cant eat. You're dead to me.
He got tattooed, peirced, and we're pretty sure he got rufeed by that fat chick. He was like a walking spring break stereotype.
At the bar. Madeline and I totally brought our own pitcher from home because they always run out. Hello alcoholism.
Only I could run tino my father in law while looking at condoms at Rite Aid. At 730 on a Thursday morning. I'm in trouble.
You called your ex's vag an "AIDS Pinata". Drunk You is the Hulk Hogan of insults.
i feel we're the only people who'd use nyquil sexually
My sunday was babysitting three big, drunk, crying Swedes. Unless your day involved four or more giant drunk swedes I don't want to hear about it.
I just made the most “single life” Amazon order ever: protein bars and condoms.
Drunk version of me is like a sleeping demon inside of me that awakes to the sound of vodka
Slept in and having coffee. No sounds of whipping and no veiny dildos next to me. This is good. How's your mornin?
Accidentally mixed my gin with cold brew coffee instead of cranberry juice. It’s bad. But I’ll finish it. Never leave a fallen soldier.
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