It was just pointed out to me in a meeting that there is a lipstick stain on my crotch.
I wish i could make my toaster dance like they do in the second ghostbusters. But i dont have ectoplasmic goo. Or a toaster.
An eyelash just fell out into my container of rice. Searching for it, i took a single piece of rice out at a time coming to the coclusion that i should not be this high while eating rice.
Just had to explain to the nurse WHERE I have poison ivy. Great Day
i had to apologize to my friends for being friends with me
couldnt find a condom. used a surgical glove instead. actually worked and the sex was great. thanks nursing school
Before you even think your day was worse than mine, I had to disinfect and and stitch another dude's penis after his prince Albert got ripped out by an angry chick.
So I'm at the VFW tonight and the shot special here is straight 151 for 2 dollars. They must hate our livers
Look, opening a Guinness with a steak knife and nearly cutting your finger off to make another carbomb is always a good idea.
I just smoked weed with my physics professor. Tell me how my life is this.
no it was
but you compared your dick to a female disney character
I just blew thrown up hashbrowns out my nose. That's the level of this hangover.
If I get the job, I'm gonna get wasted to celebrate. If I don't get the job, I'm gonna get wasted to forget. Win-Win
How... how did you get Adam Lambert's shoes? Does he know you have them? DID YOU STEAL ADAM LAMBERT'S SHOES?! Oh my God I am so turned on right now.
Wait, you met him on Onlyfans? The guy from last night? Which one of you is the fan?
Because one of you banged your stalker
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