So... how did lowering your standards work out last night?
i think ur clone was at the club last week. she slapped some tall girl in the face who tried to steal her spot on the podium. i dont know if ur like her, but she seemd like a ninja badass with superpowers
arkansas has a gas station called kum and go....story of my life
why do married chicks ALWAYS cry after?
Dude, no matter how drunk you are, it's not okay to hug every other guy at a strip club. Mainly because boners are far too common.
well, atleast the road to alcoholism is fun.
if i remember New Year's Eve then there is something seriously wrong.
it took you forty minutes to realize it was a gay bar.
Go to petsmart and tell me if the dog trainer is the guy I slept with friday. Thanks.
On another note; I'm three days away from being 1/12th of my way from not having sex for a year. I need to get laid.
We were fucking in the back of my truck and no joke a skunk came up and sprayed us. How am I supposed to explain this to my parents
The last time the Patriots won the Super Bowl I lost my virginity. I can only imagine what'll happen if they win this year.
That portable toilet under the bed? Turns out it was a tuba. Explains alot.
just learned i can hear my fish chewing his food WHILE HES IN HIS BOWL. im going to have to call you back.
I'm naked, eating straight Nutella, and listening to "Make you feel my love" on repeat. So no. He didn't ask me out.
Randomize
