Pish posh, there's never a bad time to eat food off my body.
Yeah, but I'm out of licorice and there's no way anywhere near here will rent us all mopeds on a Tuesday night.
so when i dont talk to her she talks to herself...idk whats worse
Right when I walked into the party my boyfriend stood up and yelled, "HEY TITS, GET ME A BEER!"
This is random, but did i give u a handjob in the middle of the night or was that a dream?
He came into the hospital yelling "HEY EVERYBODY! REMEMBER ME?"
Dong worry about me. I just cashed bottle of wine when I found out he was in town, I'm being dramatic. I'll text you tomorrow when I'm sober and my face stops bleeding
So me and him are making out, and the other two are on the couch behind us. he randomly stops kissing me and goes "oh god I think she just took off her shirt" I look behind me and I see her tits flapping up and down. This man has amazing senses..
Hindsight: Dressing up in nothing but a bra, booty shorts, and police tape made for the most awkward walk of shame of my life.
If you take a couple more shots you won't even know he's a mormon that drives a mini van.
My 19 year old brother just hooked up with his 45 year old cougar kindergarten teacher. These sorts of situations make me realize why the sorority girls call him Wondercock
Don't send me nudes asking me to come fuck you on lunch break then send me a video of kids you're babysitting.
Facebook: “Hey you fucked on a diving board, you should probably should wish him a happy birthday”
You just wait. When you see me foam roll naked, you're going to lose your mind.
can you come here so we can have really loud sex? the girl upstairs walks so loud i want her to know how it feels
of course
Randomize
