HELP! I am trapped in a douchebag ad... full of Affliction and Ed Hardy. Seriously? is he gonna leave his sunglasses on the entire 10 seconds of this encounter?
So I've decided that when I turn 50 and have to have a colonoscopy I'm going to leave a surprise for the doctor to find.
She compared sex to doing dishes."You scrub them until they're wet."
If im paying 4grand for laser eye surgery, it better help with beer goggles cuz last night was pretty rough.
Are you pissed because you didn't get action, or the fact i got boned twice in public places tonight?
Yeah...I know. It's cute I think...I mean cute in a weird like hey I kinda took you home from the bar one night, maybe criticized your penis, and fucked your brains out...kinda sorta way
Then you jumped in the pool because your were convinced the scratches on your neck from the cat were gills and you could breathe underwater.
So, I'm tripsitting Ruben cause he's on LSD, and he's starting to eat the chair because 'it is evil' according to him... I can't choose: should I stop him or film it?
Just pulled a Kenny Powers on a snowmobile
I cancelled the entertainment for your b-day party.... Keep the bouncy castle just in case.
Calm the fuck down fatty, you can add creme de menthe to a vanilla shake any time of the year
If magic marker is safe for kids, it should be safe for cats...right?
put something nutritious in your body. AND NOT JUST THAT JOINT.
I keep getting congratulated for drinking 2 six packs of mikes hard and winning the Olympic marathon and I don't remember this shit and now my throat is on fire
I only spent $42 at the bar last night, it's some sort of miracle.
you do remember it was dollar beer night, right?
That answers my next five questions
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