I'm single ladies-ing it in my kitchen alone. after I just made an intense new breakup cd and before I drown my sorrows by marinating alone in my jacuzzi later. I cant tell if this is a new low or a new high
Regardless, you never quit out of your interenet. You left your porn on the living room comp. Then you passed out four feet from the chair with your hand still down your pants. We decided that we should go back to her place instead. Worlds best wingman.
Tried to buy Xanax from my boss last night. Wrong Mike.
Just ate lunch with a paperclip again. Seriously, need to invest in plastic forks.
I took her to see 2012 then broke up with her, the movie was a metaphor.
Judging by his buldge, this guy is huge. just paid steve to follow him into the bathroom and find out. They had a convo about it.
Can an epipen be used as a tranquilizer ?
I'm obsessing over hocus pocus right now. What if I change my Grindr profile to "come little children, I'll take thee away to a land of enchantment"
He said the first movie he ever jerked off to was Titanic because he knew "they were totally doing it in that car."
i just deleted him from my phone. and yes... I did just text you this from less than 20 feet away.
I'm not judging.. I sure as hell am not getting out of my bed to come talk to you about this. but i support your decision
Just made a memo in my blackberry that contains seth's funeral arrangements. I have a feeling he has big plans for the weekend.
I mean, except for the part where I was vomiting up pineapple and hot sauce, it was a really fun time.
Showing girls my stab wound was not the brilliant idea I thought it was.
Oh you know just explaining sexual consent to a drunk 80 year old man. How is this my life?
He brought me another shot of rum, ice and my underwear when I woke up.
What a gentleman.
I KNOW, right?!
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