This is not my ceiling
Turns out he's not gay. He just didn't know how else to say he's not into me. He just hit on my sister.
Please stop sending me picture messages of your shit. Seriously. I don't care if it looks like popcorn chicken.
i would only ever fuck harry potter if he was on a broomstick.
do people really wait til 5 oclock to start drinking in real life?
I think I should receive an honorary Heisman... I mean, I did sleep with two of the finalists
All together there was 318 cigarette butts in the pool... And my microwave.
Please stop using me as a reference for bail bondsmen.
Like woke up with a dick piercing kind of drunk.
I'm chasing my vodka with snickers.
For dinner, I'm having saltines, canned whipped cream, and beer. Are we sure I'm responsible enough for home ownership?
We fucked while The Odyssey played in the background. Homer would be proud.
I should probably add her on Facebook for as much as I cheat off her in Physics, huh?
Hey, sorry I choked you last night... I was just really excited to see you.
A total of 3 guys left my apartment this morning. That was my first clue to my black out endeavors last night. Gotta love wine Wednesdays.
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