dude we were spooning naked in bed with her ass in my crotch. she sharted in her sleep all over my dick.
dont like to call her my roomate, too cordial. i refer to her as the whore that was assigned to live with me
I almost puked on my graduation application. perfect.
dude that bald bouncer just did a body shot off of brian and then kicked us out for trying to charge him for it
the point of no return was when you "drugged" his drink with glitter. face-planting on his dick was beyond.
I have Denny's hours of operations written on the palm of my hand....not in my writing, in a girls writing, is that as good as or equal to a cell number?
I am the worst sexter. i actually told him .. if i had a penis, it would be hard right now. BTW thats a turn off.
I gave him head in my cape. On the kitchen floor. Watching a show about bacon.
I have one of those hangovers where you visualize how awesome it would be to climb in your fridge and drink glacier water
I can't believe you picked a finger in the ass over lunch with me.
Dude, I lost my shirt, and my doorknob is gone. I'm not sure which I should find first
Almost to my house to grab beer. And pants.
so I may or may not have had intense sex to mozart's greatest hits on vinyl... I don't know if I should be proud or just really disappointed in my nerdness
No kiss but I got free McDonald's so at least we can focus on what is really important here
I wish there were more things in this world as wonderful as string cheese
Surriously
Randomize
