So, I just pissed in her shampoo bottle. Hope she enjoys a late golden shower from me.
i just used a pokemon card to do blow. i need an adult. now.
wait a second... your telling me you want me to take you to the bank at 10 on a tuesday so you can buy a blow up pool and fill it with beer?
yes... and buy you lunch
Are you still giving blowjobs?
Who is this?
Right before we were going to have sex he said it was his "lucky condom" I don't know if that means its used or what.. But I'm freaking out either way.
yeah you're probably right.. i should stop equating love with getting naked on a webcam for him.
I can practically hear my vag and my conscience fighting.
What did I eat last night that was bloody?
Im deleting that text because its a possible ncaa violation
Dude, she found the red hair dye from 4th of July. then she proceeded to give you a red mohawk for a more patriotic thanksgiving eve. How do you not remember that?
The number of males in the usa getting circumsized are decreasing. Keep this in mind when we become cougars
i came so hard i kicked through my windshield
Yeah, tell that to my thumb. Cause it was up my ass all night waiting for you.
as your best friend, I hope we never outgrow 'I Just Got Laid' texts
um care to explain the stolen chinchila under greg's bed..i'd be fine with it if it wasnt chewing up the stash
Randomize
