There is a such thing as a wonderpuss octopus. Officially my new favorite animal.
So I'm really hungover walking to work and these douches from comcast on bikes ask if they can take a picture with me to show that they're doing their job. The picture: me, this chick from comcast, i'm holding a 2 ft. pixie stick, a comcast flyer and i'm puking in the parking lot. sounds like their doing a good job!
He looked at me like he has never had a girl throw up on him before.
Just puked on the beach. Hungover. In front of my parents. I love summer.
And when I say "complete whore" I mean I could possibly make a shameful profit by wearing this.
Can we please just celebrate being alive this far into the school year and just get drunk?
Bad news. I lost my teeth. Good news. I can still take a guy home sans teeth.
Well. It was around 3 or 4 in the morning. He ran into the woods. Wearing moccasins. Holding an extension cord. He was trying to catch a deer. That about sums up the awesomeness of the night.
I woke up in my tom cruise outfit with my house key tied to my thong....
To be honest, waking up to 20 naked people in my house was not the weirdest thing to happen to me in the past 24 hours
They kept freaking out that you were missing and potentially having sex.. like it was a bad thing. Got fed up with hearing it so i just yelled "ITS HER BIRTHDAY AND SHE CAN FUCK IF SHE WANTS TO!" They gave me unnecessary looks. I thought it was acceptable.
no its a draw, weve been through this, when were keeping score on getting laid i get a plus 1 handicap each week because of your British accent! its only fair!
i was so blazed last night that i kept imagining a talking eagle sitting next to me encouraging me to smoke more... i listened to it.
I did not get pleasing results from googling “Bob Ross goat”
Lunch date was a success. And you'll be proud- my legs stayed closed.
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