If I had a quarter for every time I had sex in your bed while you were out of town, I would probably be a lot more willing to buy you new sheets. Hope you're having a nice vacation.
will emailing you the 64 kama sutra positions I want to try during the 3 days your here turn you on or terrify you?
Had sex on a washing machine in a pool of beer. Can you say success.
I JUST REALIZED HOW SOFT YOUR TABLE IS! and I also just started rolling
Night. I'll wake u up at 6 with the unfinnished vodka bottle so be prepared young grasshoper. U have much to learn.
I don't even know if I LIKE sober sex any more.
Watching her eat just hurts me
I just want you to know that we eye fucked the shit out of someone who just got drafted
We just weren't working out together, on a completely unrelated note some guy that i talked to on his grinder account said i could crash at his place
I envy your ninja level of don't give a fuck
I'm at a new rock bottom. Malibu on ice at work because it's the only thing they've got and no mixers.
I definitely don't remember licking the drag queens boob.
The morning after your company Xmas party and that moment you're eating a block of cheese in bed wearing a sequin blazer and recalling all the details of your one night stand with a coworker who happened to start that day...fuck.
also, I think I lit my hair on fire when I got home..
If I get my period the weekend your parents are gone i'm removing my uterus.
Idk if you've ever tried hysterically crying in the shower listening to Florence + The Machine but it's honestly a life-affirming experience
Randomize
