The first thing on our $10,000 damage bill was "condoms in the main drain"
How long do you think herpes can live on chapstick?
she told me she had a boyfriend but the alcohol told me she didn't
rethinking that breast reduction surgery... i'm tired of drunkenly explaining the scars to guys who don't really give a shit
What not to say at an interview: i can wrap the shit out of some food.
Like for real, is your junk ok? I have to look after my investments.
WTF DUDE?
Stay calm. I'm sure there's a heterosexual explanation for this
My boob is missing a layer of skin
But seriously I don't know. I haven't seen her since I gave her back her 3 blind mice stick, and she just started hitting everybody with it.
Please tell me I was just dreaming when I asked if I could borrow your jesus dildo
Congratulations! You can now legally do that thing you said you never do again!
THANKS! I'M SO EXCITED TO NOT DO THE THING
OMG YOU GO OUT AND NOT DO THAT THING, GIRL! I SUPPORT YOU 100%!!!
They asked me my level of pain at the hospital and I told them I called my ex 6 times
I JUST SENT A TOILET SELFIE TO THE WRONG PERSON.
using my tits for other peoples nudes hit me up business in the making
Oh god I found a set of car keys in my pocket, and I have no idea who's they are
Randomize
