We went to the police station completely hammered looking for you. Don't tell me I'm not a good friend.
is it weird that i blow-dry my hair and poop at the same time?
not any weirder than you telling me this at 4 in the morning
There is a pink thong attached to a bottle of svedka hanging from my ceiling fan..is this yours?
My eyes feel like they're throwing up and I am the only human on campus
Don't worry I'm alive. The apt is all locked up so I'm sleeping on the patio. The frozen pizza I got might be toast unless someone lets me in soon. If not its all good I'll be here snoring on the patio
His and hers buttplugs were a resounding success. Tru luv
I was less embarrassed asking him to torrent the teen mom's porn. I'm not gonna ask him to about season 4 of PLL.
Fuck romance. Just shaved my nipples in the shower because I felt like it. That's the life I'm about.
It's national "dress up your pet day" come over. Drugs and dressed up cats..it's the shit dreams are made of.
I woke up like how did I get here this blanket is nice but it was just the curtain
Welcome to my Tuesday when my lesbian ex girlfriend shows up unexpectedly and gets me drunk and then leaves
All I want to do is lay in my bed and eat hotdogs
Got my period and a UTI on the same day. Fuck you, Sunday.
Also I've decided to start stealing shot glasses after I do the shots. You in?
We have ur drink. Mom passed out in the bathroom. I'm goin to the other bathroom. Bs at the top of the stairs on way outside.
Randomize
