My dad just sent me a text telling me to "say hi to all the luscious bitches" at the gay bar. Guess this explains my childhood
on a scale of 1-10how much freaking out is acceptable if you just found a (possibly used) cock ring in the head board that your parents gave you?
They had some plan b on the table between the beer and the guacamole. Yeah, it's gonna be a fun party.
i'm not a hellocoptur, but youer in a dorm ans im un a dorm
Should have told me the night we were talking about deal breakers that vomming outside your car was one of them. I would have taken a cab back
From what I hear, her blowjob factory was runninng at full capacity this weekend.
I've used my house key more to do bumps of coke than I've used it to get in my house.
You described pouring milk in your strawberry cereal as a glittering magnificent water fall, skimming over the mountain and little strawberry citizens.
he just kept texting even after we lit his shoelaces on fire. he just calmly walked into the pool... still texting.
sweet sixteen by hillary duff just came on and i feel like i let lizzie mcguire down for being such a stoner
Just don't have sex while watching Home Alone. It will ruin Christmas for you.
I AM SMARTER THAN EVERY FUCKBOY WHO HAS EVER SWIPED LEFT ON ME
last night we watched this really loud chick try and pick up this smoking french guy who's english was sooo bad. she finally pointed at her beer and then her vagine
gross
like you've never done an interperative dance for sex, please
Crawl out into the sunshine and off your vibrator for 7 minutes
I love how my parents bring water bottles filled with vodka on family trips
Randomize
