Found moms dildo in drawer while looking for socks, and its wet
the line for where the wild things are looks like radiohead had sex with an urban outfitters
he was so nervous about his first time.. it was like michael j. fox trying to put on a condom...
yo everyone went to the hospital last night
he asked my vagina if she was excited to meet Leonard. LEONARD. His fuckin penis is named Leonard.
When my alarm went off, he rolled over and asked me: Bacon or dick? Yes, I will see him again.
That girl that gave me a blowjob, I think I fired her last year.
I found him down the block clinging to a light post laughing and crying because a house "looked like it had buck teeth"
Did you seduce any young men into coming home to your love nest of poutine and jäger bombs?
I wonder how he feels knowing that he's the one who turned me gay
I would like to formally reclaim my title of a turn up queen.
Yes. Life would be much easier if we had penises & could do whatever the fuck we want.
only you would understand that I was talking from the perspective of my boobs
she was sitting with her tits completely out.. on the kitchen floor..eating pickles by the handful... rapping mac dre... and then lit up a cig and continued...that drunk
It actually wasn't the first time that a guy I just met ate me out in the back seat of his car in a starbucks parking lot in the middle of the day.
Randomize
