my room smells like sperm. sweet.
Kelly Kapowski is pregnant and it's not Zach Morris'. I no longer believe in true love.
my mom and grandma just had a splits competition. slut runs in the family
At this point, I really just need a sign in sheet for my vagina.
Seriously why is the deadbolt locked. This is the second time I'm having to sleep on the porch using my boots as my pillow. I can't wait till the next time your drunk.
Shhh, I'm sleeping. Just let it happen Jess.
He deleted all his profile pics with her. It was like the bat signal for single women everywhere.
Noooo. I told you she WAS a cancer. Not that she HAS cancer. This was the one time being a doctor didnt get you laid you alcoholic bastard
Although I wish I was out drinking, this cough syrup has me slightly more optimistic than usual.. I heavily debating trying to find mystical creatures and selling them to rich people as pets
I vaguely remember telling a bum she was worth more than this
Just had a heart to heart with my John Belushi poster.
I just want someone to shove bread from panera down my throat
Aw don't be embarrassed. It was all good fun! We've all been there. You can't come to vegas and NOT get a little alcohol poisoning. That's like going to church and not praying.
Are we on the same shift tomorrow and more importantly do you want your pants back?
I am going to MURDER whoever gave him my phone number but it was probably drunk me so I'm conflicted.
I ripped off the screen and literally supermaned through my bedroom window. That wasted
Randomize
