We were so tired we rock paper scissored for who would be on top. I won.
He was such a tease, he pulled out his dick, let me touch it then put it away
we literally hit three floors of our apartment building searching for condoms. also got macaroni.
four loko is officially banned. leave it to the kids from a state school to fuck it up for everyone
You drunk dialed me and told me to jump out of my second story window so I could give you head. I almost considered it.
I'm sitting next to some random guy in a gorilla suit drinking out of a bottle of vodka.
He's majoring in Religion
Did you hear me? I HAVE THE CONTENTS OF AN NBA PLAYER'S CONDOM IN MY BEDROOM TRASHCAN!! This shit is potentially worth millions of dollars to a fertile young female who is ovulating. How do I sell it fast??
WHY IS HE GONE WHEN I ACTUALLY HAVE THE AMOUT OF ESTROGEN TO HUMP A SQUIRREL?!?!
Qdoba locked their bathrooms last night.. I suppose so people didn't pee all over them? I considered it counter productive considering I just peed on the outside of their building then. I had to pee
It's funny because every time I go up and down the stairs it's an adventure. A A DRUNK ADVENTURE. PS I ALREADY THREW UP WTF
A surplus of mistakes were made and I don't know what 89% of them were.
I took a picture of you last night while you were drunk, trying to smoke a bowl through your nose. It's now your contact id.
No clue what you did last night, sorry. You did hand me a pizza and a mason jar with $1200 in small bills in it when I let you in though.
so, i take that as a legit invitation into his pants
There are leaves in my underwear?
Randomize
