It's true. Ladies love me because I'm so strong and they feel safe. Not because of my pseudo charm and their impaired judgement after several drinks...
so i stopped by cvs on the way home this morning, turns out hallmark doesnt make an im sorry my friend puked on your friend card, call me if were still speaking
Why would I want to inherit a sex machine used by my grandma?
I think taking a nice shit is a lot more satisfying than an orgasm. This is probably why I'm single.
Reason #3 women are better than men: texting and peeing simultaneously. Write THAT in the fucking snow.
STOP acting like a freshman, you have a drivers liscence now AND a PERSCRIPTION for birth control. Dont give all sophmores a bad name. Woman Up
I wish alcohol would automatically work as birth control if you have sex drunk.
she was pooping while we were on video chat. new level of love.
I would not wish his dick upon my worst enemy
It was more like a tour de entire bottle of wine in 14 minutes
It's like the first time your mom catches you masturbating. We both know what she saw. We're just not talking about it...
I feel like a drive thru vagina
My hair tie broke, stole my one-night stands daughters pink sparkly one. BEST hair-tie I have ever used...
I had the good sense not to tell her that my summer goal is to get fucked by a med student while wearing a party dress and sparkly shoes
If there's someone that knows accidental pantlessness, it's Mike.
Randomize