I puked while I was brushing my teeth this morning and had to get a new tbrush
Ew, did you brush them again?
Yeah but i puked on the new one and decided to give up...failure
Pappa wants mamma naked
She's a Laker fan, her sister is a Celtic fan... no matter who wins I'm getting a celebration bj from one of them!
dude i have an english essay and a bio lab due tomorow
so basically your not goin out tonight?
who said that?
Am I undercharging for one hour of sex per essay? I need a serious business answer.
Just FYI, I'm breaking up with my boyfriend tonight and you need to be on call to be my first rebound bang
I need to stop treating my body like that of a Vegas hooker on vacation in Ibiza
Driving you two to the party with a keg belted into the back seat has given me a brief glimpse of parenthood. I am now more resolved than ever to never breed, so thanks for that.
No like he has curves. I remember thinking he had a nicer body than me
DO NOT SLAP ANYONE WITH ANY VEGAN MEAT PATTIES
Let's FaceTime each other while we shotgun beers
Had sex in a blanket fort. How was your weekend?
Mom saw my dick pic over my gf's shoulder. She told her she really should've had me circumcised.
I’ll always remember that day you sent me that random nude on accident lmao changed my life
I think the cats may be lesbians. It could just be a two hour mutual bath but it sure looks like a 69.
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