I can hear the grilled cheese talking to me. "Let me in there!" they wanna get inside me
Getting up at 8 this morning to drink could be the best and the worst idea we've ever had
So my boyfriend is on his way over and there is no time to wash the sheets from when I had his roommate over earlier. Put them in the dryer with a damp bounce sheet. Win?
This is a whole new level of slut for you....do they smell ok?
Nothing quite says America like barbecue and beer at 9 in the morning.
Out of all the things I've put my penis in, this seems the most unfortunate.
All she does is lay in bed and watch golden girls and masturbate all day...
It's inspiring.
You won’t make it to November. A 21st bday and Halloween in the same night has shitshow/ jail written all over it. So I call dibs on that tall guy
he doesn't even text me anymore.. he just facebook chats me a shark emoticon which has turned into code for 'be naked at my house in 15 mins'
I let him fuck me in a batman costume. Don't talk to me about needing to read fifty shades gray.
So the revenge porn my ex posted just resulted in a contract with a gay porn company. I'm going to make $8,000 this weekend. That would a breakup checkmate. Are you joining me in the legislative committee hearing tomorrow?
You know it's been a rough week when you funnel beers by yourself.
The next time you invite me out to a bar full of cougars warn me first. I never felt like a piece of meat before.
does anyone know where bryan is?
last i saw he was naked, and crying in the bathroom because there was no more booze.
he told me he wanted me to go see his cat. apparently i was more interested in playing with his cat then having sex.
MY DINNER LAST NIGHT CONSISTED OF SEMEN AND A PROTEIN SHAKE... MY TRAINER WOULD BE PROUD I DIDN'T HAVE CARBS!
Randomize