my mom just informed me my dog smells like cum
giving a 30 min presentation still drunk is like giving birth, upside down in a pit of snakes while being on fire.
Just paid my credit card bill at the bar. This phone makes it so I never have to leave
He has a clip art-style heart tattooed on his hip. I hated him way before I saw his tiny dick.
Just put a dog collar on someone's child.....was a great hit with everyone but his mom.......I think she hates me. I'm okay.with that
But I wanna cuddle and just put my hand awkwardly close to your penis area by accident and look at you
I ate you ate to the whole david gray album
I don't know, I kept pretending that I was riding an elephant during. It was actually really fun, but you can't tell him that!
Sorry, It's like OkCupid Olympics... categories: best sext, best dick pic, and most effort by ugly. You won gold in the last event if that makes you feel better.
Sorry about my life...
I'm sorry for getting drunk and throwing a robo-bird at you.
You wanna see what happens when frozen corn meets an unhappy Andrew's face?
Nobody likes ball hair. Not even gay dudes
is 250 jello shots considered an open container?
As a BFF it is your duty to answer when I drunk call you at 3 in the morning because I couldn't find a knife to cut that cake. I finally found one, fell asleep with it and the cake in bed. K thanks bye.
Randomize
