he just sent me a friend request on facebook. i wish it were physically possible to vomit on him through the internet.
I am far too drunk to be making a tuna melt . There's blood EVERYWHERE.
he actually proposed, and i threw up on him...i guess 5 glasses of wine was a bad idea.
Right when I walked into the party my boyfriend stood up and yelled, "HEY TITS, GET ME A BEER!"
Dude they have your information. Come back. The sheriffs office is here, they are pissed..please come back otherwise jail is inevitable. Call me
Yeah. You can ask him out. We're just fuck buddies. My vagina will be sad but your heart can be happy.
This little shit keeps eating the playdoh so i replaced the green with wasabi from work. Wonder what his parents are gonna think when he burns his soft palette?
Omg. The news was on TV while I was giving him a bj...when the weatherman said its a beautiful start to December, he groaned and said it sure is.
When you went off to sleep with that guy that looked like a dirty Jesus and I asked why all you had to say "trying to keep Christ in Christmas" and left. The Vatican called, you're going to Hell.
I'm out of prison. Wanna start a band?
he's so hot I'd consider breaking the whole, "till death do us part," agreement he's currently in
Have you ever wondered if we are just made up characters in someone's head? You'll have to forgive me right now I think I have 7 thumbs
Just in case you forgot, you puked all over your boss house, pissed on his coffee table, and were then thrown out by his wife
3 weeks in a row I've pulled '69' at the deli counter...God is giving me shit for not getting laid in a year....
My boob job is like a master key that gets me in any door, any party and anyone’s pants! They’re magical!
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