im naked on webcam to her boyfriend, but im playing neopets at the same time, so its all evened out
good thing vaginas are great cup holders
Someday soon you'll wake up next to a bottle of jameson and a half eaten lean cuisine and then you'll be just like me.
I made the bartender pinky promise me there was still vodka in my drinks.
I swear after i took it all i did was scream for four hours
they came at us with fireworks while we were skinny dipping in her jacuzzi at 4 am...
Get caught with marijuana. Cop takes piece. Buy new bong. Circle of fun.
I think a van full of parolees just blew me kisses. Thoughts?
I'm like a magical alcohol dispenser. I pulled this kahlua out of my vagina.
I'm going to make "gut the love salmon" a common slang term for sex. Spread the word.
I'm also sorry that I ate your chicken sandwich while you were throwing up....
And on the first day of my adult job, I matched with one of my co workers on tinder...
He said he wanted to lick the breadcrumbs off my chest
do you remember yelling out "insecurity makes my pussy dry!" unnecessarily loud at the bar?
boys just don't understand what they're missing out on.
he's missing out on my boobs looking marvelous this evening.
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