Moving to Utah. Got sick of alcohol and have a severe wife shortage.
Telling her that my penis is called megatron was not a good idea for a first date.
we are all sexual creatures
yea maybe. but you're not. you're not getting any.
Is drinking merlot and watching womens figure skating by myself gay?
it wasn't THAT bad but he definitely called his dick an asshole and said sorry to my vagina
I just want you to know if you wake up tomorrow morning and wreak of mustard, I was not involved.
There is a literally infinite number of spliffs going around this table.
Delicious
I feel like I'm at a sushi bar with a spliff belt.
So I just chugged the rest of the wine in my mug so I would have something to eat my corn flakes in. With a plastic fork. I need a dishwasher
And maybe a life coach?
Just tell your mom you have to go somewhere half naked with a strange man. She'll understand
If you got tons of KY ads on HuluPlus, it's because I hit "relevant" every time.
You were so proud of your stupid "magic trick" but all you did was piss on the couch. don't talk to me for a few days.
And he came all over himself. At least he didn't ruin my new lulus.
Actually though that could've been bad.
I DID NOT GO INTO HOURS OF STRENUOUS LABOR FOR YOU TO LOOK LIKE A DOMINATRIX BARMAID ON A WEEKDAY. AT LEAST SAVE IT FOR THE WEEKEND GDI.
Hahahahahha. You saved a homeless man. You're actually the mother Teresa of skanks.
After he finished he laid there and told me how much work that just was. I looked at him and told him not to ruin a good thing by opening his mouth.
Randomize
