Tell your sister I'm no fool. Or at least romanticize the notion of the fool.
He disabled his match.com account in front of me
You know its been a rough night when you wake up and the first thing you remember is your mom going skinny dipping.
so I guess it's not okay to mix vodka and ..everything and then proceed to offer a lap dance to ...everyone.
He just kept pointing to each of us saying "arrested, arrested, arrested"
what's an appropriate "I'm fucking your grandson but I'm trying to hide it" outfit?
Do ex girlfriends even count for summer sexcapades. Seems like the damage had already been done
Victory lap
I get hit on by the prison guards every time i go to see him. Seriously.
Attempted to dodge my boyfriends cum last night and ended up falling off the bed and getting the worlds most painful charlie horse. fuck my life.
He talked for 3 hours straight on how his dad is a dentist how fuck do you think my night was
Me sprinting out of your house without my bra or shoes is our entire relationship defined in a single moment.
This hangover is what we deserve after that level of debauchery.
It's beautiful and huge. Like a dinosaur.
Long story short wrist restraints, Apple Watch and cumming all don’t mix
I’m going to bedazzle that dick
What does that even mean
No idea, but I guarantee he’ll get hard every time he remembers it
Randomize
