Just saw a policeman use his lights to go through a red light only to turn them off and go to Sonic...
I think im going to throw up on grandma
Now would be a good time to set your alarm to pick me up from jail in the morning.
do herpes really smell.
Ive given up on my natural charms. Im trying different accents till some girl wants to hook up with me.
Well if I fail my finals for being drunk on Cinco De Mayo there is always next year to graduate.
You said that last year...
super high. so of course there was a shoot out at the bank. there are 20 cop cars no lie. if i make it out of this i will never smoke again
I HAVE FLAVORED BLOW. THIS SHOULD NOT EXISIT.
Don't try to dry clothes in the microwave. They'll catch on fire.
Just used water from the fish tank for the bong. Thank you fishy.
I owe you a thank you for last night. Only you could go up to a guy, ask if he likes my boobs, and return later to find us in a full on dance floor makeout sesh. Well played.
Who wants vodka and apple sauce
I just used my citation as a bookmark. Want a beer?
My only contacts are booty calls or the club hockey team.
These rednecks don't fuck around. This party is completely BYOB and we now have 6 kegs, 3 of which have already been emptied.
Randomize
