Would you feel weird if I asked out ___?
You dont call on our son's bday but you want to know if I'll give you permission to date my best friend?
So...no?`
He said "what's the haps". I don't know what the haps are but there goes his chances
In my 8 am class there was a pack of birth control on the board with a note saying, "Some dude somewhere is unhappy."
you were watching a documentary about sharks and wouldn't stop stroking my legs and whispering "what if they could walk?"
Funny favor to ask you... can you ask James to ask Chris if he came in me ? Trying to assess whether or not I need plan B.
Just now remembered singing Trashy Women at the reception. Not karaoke, just sang along with the mic I stole from the DJ. All while still in my dress drinking champagne from the bottle
At one point I went looking for you and found you handcuffed to a chair. I'm pretty sure you handcuffed yourself. I don't know how you got there.
I have fireworks and redbull; let's make heart attack inducing magic happen.
Seriously. Texted me 4 times and that didn't wake me up so he nicely called and left a voicemail saying he WOULD call me 8 times. So when he called back I answered.
I need you to know that everytime my toddler does the downward facing dog in the nude I think about the night you and your dude fell in love.
So, I've discovered that I'm approximately 70% nicer to my mother when I've had an orgasm in the last 48 hours. It's science.
Just had a threesome with my best friend and LSAT teacher...just checked three things off my bucket list in one night
Oh man I missed being single! Two different guys just sent me dick pics during my kid’s little league game.
I bought two pregnancy tests and a cosmopolitan magazine at 4am... I told the cashier "dont judge me, ur not God"
getting my period the day i moved was my bodies way of saying 'congratulations youre not leaving town with anybodies babies!'
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