I feel like Captain Hook just gave me a pap smear.
this girl im hooking up with thought my ring was a purity ring... apparently im taking it too slow
he texted me at 1 in the morning to ask if i wanted to come over and play in the snow with him
at least he gets points for a creative booty call
all i remember is that her bootyshorts said 'shameless' and that there was no turning back.
its not a party unless mikie exposes himself
I don't know what it is about vodka that make me ruin relationships.
She slapped his drink out of his hand to get him to leave the bar while he and I were having an intense debate about the lyrics to mmmbop
I think I need to donate blood to see if I have Hepatitis. Again.
Dedication to a hook up: I had to recruit five people at the train station to help me buy a ticket from a kiosk and get on the right train in 15 minutes because I discovered that my car was stolen.
I'm wearing too many socks to be ok with this.
Definitely but only if you hit on the 16 year old in the karate class as part of your waffle and gin fueled sexually deprived rage.
It's the 30 sec rule.... the worst that could happen is I could die
He just snapchatted me a blank snap that said "miss our sex" Vagina game too strong
Got pulled over today for going 90 in a 40 zone with my leg out of the window. Still got out of the ticket. I'm getting way too good at this. Wanna trade bodies so we can see if it's my boobs or my charm?
He expects a blow job at the movies but won’t pay for popcorn? Does he know it’s not 2017 anymore
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