matts gf stood and watched my naked ass gather my clothes off his floor this morning. sweet.
You drink too much
No, I drink just the right amount - too often.
its amazing how hard it is to tell vomit from stuffing the day after
Just found out my brother beats off to Lauren Conrad. the Hills will never be the same.
Having sex with her is like doing taxes, Happens once a year and I usually end up paying.
All I heard was "You have collect call from Lafayette Parish Jail for Dude it was awesome! I'll tell you about it later!"
She can't really be mad at me. I made you two sisters... Dick sisters.
I'm sorry. I really don't see what's wrong with pregaming before a wine tasting.This champagne won't drink itself.
The wine tasting is just for charity anyways...
Frozen waffles and wine. Loneliness-party of one
I just sat there and watched paula deen's face melt for an hour.
all i remember is walking in on u shitting and crying listening to shawty get loose. its safe to say this break up has taken a toll on u
I told the person I was on the phone with to hold on while I looked for my phone. I think it's time to stop doing dabs.
I have never fucking hated the horrible sound of dozens of off-key recorders BLARING their fucked rendition of "Fais Do-Do" in unison against the screams of an adult male... more than I do now. This is why people avoid teaching. Kill me. End it all.
I remember turning to Jon after doing a line of coke and saying "I was a Girl Scout"
I wonder how vigorously I can jack off in a one person tent without being noticed???
Randomize
