dont quote avril lavinge. im to drunk.
i tried slipping money on her dresser whenever she brings guys home hoping she'll start to question her goals in life... i think its only encouraging her
we fucked while standing on a ladder. challenging, but worth it.
you almost dropped the shot glass then you thought you were such a hard ass for catching it that you slammed it on the table and broke it
Next time he asks to wax your nipple while you're passed out I promise I'll be sober enough to intervene.
Just finished my quantum homework in ladies room writing with eyeliner. I am the party/physics champion.
Thank you, I really appreciate that. I know I couldn't participate in class tonight and I hope that doesn't affect my grade too much. So please let me know of any extra credit opportunities such as fellatio
And, through a series of unfortunate events, I am at my grandmothers birthday party in a short dress and no underwear
Yea not today, I ending up taking a shit behind a tree last night.
I heard the bride mutter "I should have brought a fucking tranquilizer". I'm not at all surprised that you got banned from the bar afterwards.
Is there a classy way to tell him that to thank him for his service I would like to put his dick in my mouth?
"Happy Veterans Day! Now pull down your pants."
Only I could turn my one night stands into class essays. Go me.
HE WILL NEVER BE ONE OF US. HE WILL NEVER BE A DECENT, GOD-FEARING WHORE.
My favorite bra is missing and I smell like beer and bad decisions. This is definitely a sign that hoe mode is activated.
Got arrested last night. My cell mate just added me on Facebook.
Randomize
