He had one of those small greek statue penises
She's like a coupon for free blow jobs. No purchase necessary.
He's like the houdini of condoms. I never even realized he put one on before we fucked. he's magical.
she said my body looked tiny like it was a bad thing and then didn't even mention how great my tits look. it's like we're not even friends.
He got tattooed, peirced, and we're pretty sure he got rufeed by that fat chick. He was like a walking spring break stereotype.
I'm in the bar bathroom about to pass out. But it's ok cause I set my alarm to go off for last call
we played dirty jenga the drinking edition... some girl really just broke a rib? how do we even go this hard
I was thinking that, but I'm not sure the proper etiquette on asking about someone's nipple rings. Even if you did see them and compliment them once.
I threw up in the darkest corner of the bar last night, then watched 2 girls freak out in disgust after walking through it. I then realised I puked on the dancefloor, took a picture and proceeded to send it to my mom.
I spent the entire night stroking his hair. He was cool with it. Never thought a ginger stoner would help me work through my social anxiety but here we are.
I just had a twenty minute discussion about endangered breed dog breeding with an Extremely drunk guy
So many questions...
They won't let me buy alcohol in the airport until 9am. Super judgemental
So red wine goes with eggs, right? Because that's all I have in the house to cook and the drinking options are either wine or scotch
Was not aware that standing loudly up off the couch and loudly, drunkenly slurring "I'M EIGHTEEN NOW BITCHES" counted as a primitive mating call.
You know, normal sex stuff involves shitting your pants. If you do it right.
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