you're out of your mind
you look like daphne blake and he looks like fozzie bear
it's like he rubbed a lamp and wished you into existence
Getting pregnant off pre-cum is like getting high off erasers
Doctor took one look at my penis and said, 'you don't have herpes, you just masturbate too much'
i just remembered that i did the "single ladies" dance ON THE BAR...fuck you slippery nipples i curse the day i discovered you
You can't be mad because the taco bell people like me and not you. I'm not the one that puked in front of them.
I'm silent, like a masturbating ninja.
Although I feel like awkward kinda describes your entire sexual history...
I HAVE to find her. I've got a pretty decent pic of her footprint on my headboard. Wonder if I can get one of the podiatry majors to help?
The only thing I remember last night was feeding my dog 4 McDoubles.
Also, I wish we had magnetic nipple rings and our boobs stuck together.
Can't beat it when the local bar sends you off with a loaf of bread on the way out the door.
You're the best thing in my life, followed closely by cannabis and trashy romance novels
Are you ok?!
I assume I've stopped bleeding because I haven't passed out, but can't verify currently.
Did we kick in my basement door last night?
Yes. I think you actually bought tennis shoes specifically for that application.
Her blowjob technique? Picture someone attempting to drink a triple thick milkshake through a Capri Sun straw.
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