I thought she would fill the void you created. Turns out she thought I just wanted to fill hers.
I bought a boat. Want to have sex on The Angry Clam? That's what I named it.
tfor prom could you pick me up wo bottles of champagne and a condom, please?
they could make at least 3 episode of "i shouldn't be alive" out of my weekend
you know what sucks? talking to chicks you dont want to have sex with
woke up to an overdrawn credit card. did you order the dawsons creek boxset last night?
i hope so.
I love when I'm alone in the house. It's like pants were never invented.
donating our bodies to science does not justify what were doing to them.
You're the only person I know who could blow literal chunks, laugh about it, then proceed to shotgun another beer. Love you champ.
Everyone was passed out so I turned off the lights and locked all the doors. I also took the chicken sandwich in the microwave as payment.
Listening to The Little Mermaid soundtrack should cure my drunkeness right?
He says the sweetest things but also that he wants to choke me when we fuck so it's kinda perfect.
...I just melted into my bed. I am one with the bed. I am 600 thread count.
I just got promised sex at a fire station tonight so basically all my porn star dreams are coming true.
hey, just so we're clear, next time we go swimming drunk at my house, we have to use the floating chairs instead of my mattress. i'm not sure how to get it out of the pool.
Randomize
