I think my grandma died before she was convinced I was straight
I just finished washing your number off of my chest. I'm Bryan by the way.
May or may not have found my way onto a stripper bus. To Chicago.
i remember you telling me to take a shower, brush my teeth, go get back in bed w her, and "just do what i was born to do." and as soon as i stopped yacking i did just that. you saved my birthday.
I fell asleep on the table at Denny's. Told the waitress to wake me up when my burger was there.
I have so many hands. So. Many. Hands. I can feel arms that I don't have yet. They tickle. I can see the blood in my eyes. I think something is happening. The hands!!! I'm ticking myself with hands I don't have yet! I can't stop giggling about my notyet hands!
His personality is sparkling but nothing beats his ass
If I had pants on, you wouldn't be getting this text message
also I woke up naked and covered in water but nobody can explain that part.
Woke up on the couch with one cowboy boot on and a hat over my crotch. God bless texas.
Our DD will meet us there. The strippers are sending a limo to pick him up. He promised them New Years Eve massages. Said he would still drive us home.
I just know what's gonna happen. I mean. I shaved my legs up to shorts length. But I'm leaving the rest as a sort of makeshift caution tape.
I'll have to start mass sending dong pics to get the recognition I deserve
My car has a permanent smell of sex to it now.
Okay so as of now, we may either be coming for one night, two nights, or not at all this weekend. It depends on Laura's toe and if I get my period. Will explain later
Randomize
