is it possible for your nipples to fall off? if so mine might. they hurt so bad...
Woke up on the floor with my glow stick in one hand & dollar bills in the other. Good. Morning.
You were too busy being proud of your penis shaped pancakes to notice...
I am fine. Katie thinkr i broke things pole dancing. I am coherant.
I'm pregaming for my hair cut. Working two jobs definately taught me how to use my time wisely...
my mom went out and bought me new sheets and redecorated my room. its like she's more excited for me to get laid tomorrow for the first time in two months than I am.
No, we will not be going out tonight. We are trying to grow the toy donkey in whiskey rather than water. Serious fucking science. Have fun at the boring bar while we Bill Nye it up in this bitch.
You have my approval. I will dance and throw skittles at your funeral.
That's not as bad as watching a dumb ass drunk peeing into your window fan -
I just audibly asked myself if i wanted to masturbate.
And then audibly agreed
I am just saying if Clark Kent walks into your life, you fuck him
Holy shit, add "successfully got stoned secretly at a party where a cop was" to my list of accomplishments.
I had my first "Damn Kids/When I Was That Age" rant at work today. We need to drink this feeling out of me. NOW.
What could go wrong? i could have a mental breakdown with a bottle of champagne hand cuffed to a frat bro
Apparently the girl he banged in the bathroom yelled at him for hitting on me all night. But whatever, he was holding her hand for most of it
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