My place. Tomorrow Night. Bring your liver, and something for it to do.
The reason halloween exists is because it's not cheating if you're wearing a costume.
So the "just a friend" kid confessed his love for me...sometimes I hate how awesome I am.
Thank god i puked near the cancer center. makes me look like a chemo patient
Then he wanted a handjob in the car. While my cousin was driving. To krispy kreme. And there was someone else in the backseat.
Jesus...So southern.
nah, they dropped the charges. apparently ripping his junk when he tried to hop the fence seemed like punishment enough...
you seemed to enjoy falling down hill
wow, never heard the last few months of my life put so succint
I know you hold the fastest time for "zoo downhill wheelchair racing" but I don't see what that has to do with this.
HI MARY. THERE IS A RAINBOW AT OUR APARTMENT
He simply fell in the fire, rolled out and continued to finish his bottle of vodka. Everyone else instantly sobered up just watching it.
I CAN'T FUCK HIM OUTSIDE. THAT'S FOR PEASANTS. HE'S TOO FAMOUS FOR THAT.
I woke up to my roommate checking my pulse
Our drunk hook up was interrupted by the delivery guy. When he came back to my room we ate the gyros and went back to sex like we didn't take a lunch break.
Get your ass back to America. We've got a lot of drugs to do.
I’d feel the same about religion. We can talk about it, but I want you to go down on me first
Randomize
