im so sorry the vomit froze your passenger door shut... you should have stopped.
I just dropped off shoes at Mike's hotel. The chick he hooked up with last night stole his phone and shoes.
Get dressed, I have 50$ and you need a new beer pong table since we threw yours off the 8th floor last night.
I'm hungover in the park, and some guy just handed me a business card for his church. I can feel Jesus' disapproval running through my fingertips
my night ended with a pity blow in a racecar bed
I cartwheeled across every street... They tried to stop me but I bit anyone who came near me
Its kind of weird knowing that im only seeing you that day to fuck in some woods
At some point, it turned less into sparring and more into tough guy dry humping.
She was two things I dont understand: tall and Christian
Where are you on a scale from one to wasted?
Like alphabetically I'd say a v
I can't tell if my roommate is crying or having sex and the fact that there's anime in the background is only making this more confusing
I'm actually pretty sure the amount of alcohol I drank last night erased memories from other times in my life.
I’m on my third beer doing poppers in the shower to no doubt
we were waffle house and a lady told me her imaginary friend was sitting in the chair next to her. i don't feel so trashy now.
just got back. in my inebriated state i broke an ugly lamp and was sent to the store (still drunk) to get a new one. just spent last half hour in isle 3 of dollar general surounded by more ugly lamps and trying not to throw up on each and every single one.
Randomize
