I am doing a scientific study and i need a brief description of the underpants you are wearing
hey, what are you doing? my roommates are gone for the night... you should come over ;)
nah, i'm gonna grab some food
insurance, jail, and birth control were made for people like us.
Dude they even gave me free lube for being tested! Best. Hiv test. EVER.
He made me a period mix..should I back out now?
Someone shattered a urinal.
He taped the number 420 over all of his clocks
Could have been worst, could have seen me bent over biting her carpet while her son was inside me, i think i would have respnded with "i was just trying to be quiet"
was I really that bad?
you army crawled across the kitchen floor, turned the cat into "super kitty" and crawled into the dog cage
I just soaked a sugar cookie in nail polish remover to clean off my nails because I was too lazy to walk to the bathroom to get a cotton ball. Is this what rock bottom feels like?
I just got fingered in the Win-Co parking lot for pills. How's your meltdown going?
Sunday mornings are confusing. Like. I can't decide if I want to go for a run or start drinking
He sent me a dick pic. I am fighting the urge to send him a "sorry for your loss" card.
If you ever tell anyone I offered you boob squeezes for cheetos, I'll kill you
Fuuuuuck dude, he’s got #Excel in his Facebook bio; I’m screaming
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