Public safety found my id!
And i can't find my bra so i'm assuming they found my bra with my id which would explain the disapproving tone the lady on the phone had.
we went to sleep in different beds and woke up spooning. alcohol truly is the anti-cockblocker.
i don't want a singing card. it disturbs my hangover. give me a pack of cigs taped to a bottle of wine and fuck me without a condom. happy vday baby.
i bought a pregnancy test with dimes. Is that trashy?
I had fun this weekend too. According to Web MD, my symptoms say I had a miscarriage.
then he asked me if i wanted to "handle his wingman"
Hung over. Bed full of legos for some reason. Not getting up. Come build stuff with me.
you trust me enough to eiffel tower a girl but don't trust me with a mallet wtf happened to our friendsship
I wish Samuel L. Jackson would narrate our bar crawls
Look if you're not going to be mine and take care of my needs, I'm going to fuck your sisters.
i puked in the 2nd best shower and the couple fucking in the 1st didnt even pause so you might wanna hold off on that for a while
I'm just the girl with the breathalyzer keychain, and I embrace that.
Well, I wish you luck on finding out who your boyfriend is
Youre a wreck. Youll be in your dorm weeping to project runway covered in pizza sauce and smelling of stale beer
We had sex in Lake Michigan for an hour Sunday.
Thanks for ruining an entire lake for me. I hate you so much right now.
Randomize