Last night this chick queefed when I was going down on her. Thinking if you! xo
My little sister just found a condom in her bag i borrowed... Happy fourteenth birthday.
The walls in my apartment are so thin that sometimes when I fart, I stop to listen if people are laughing next door.
Laughlin, where retired strippers come to die.
and I asked her"are you allergic to condoms latex like your older sister " she said "Idk this is gonna be my 1time"
sorry I didn't call you. I had your number saved as "girl that offered bj but didn't follow thru".
i feel like god sat there all night pointing and laughing at me
He said he forgot to take his shoes off, and that he was a bad boy because he was walking on the carpet. Then he sang. Then he shouted "I'M STILL FORGETTING."
I just commented on the education level of his penis.
Well my summer started by me waking up in a tube on the side of the pond this morning with 2 of my friends. So that's good..
The plane down was full of newly weds and I counted 5 pairs of mile high club members. Actually, one might have been a group membership discount.
I just traded a couple nudes for pizza delivery. Call me lazy, easy, or an entrepreneur, but either way I'll have dominoes in 15 minutes.
Just reintroduced tequila back into my life...so that's happening
YAS SHES BACK AND BETTER THAN EVER
Please come over. It's a pajama and burn-2016-in-effigy party
Woke up to find that I was cock blocked by no more than three people.
Randomize
