I have a walk of shame I should be getting to. "Hey, by the way, what is your name?" is not a conversation I want to have today
I feel odd... a had sex with a chick and she keept her socks on...
what if the hokey pokey really is what its all about?
i feel like someone uncorked me like a wine bottle and pulled a living animal outta my arse.
he was CRYING into my vagina
now that im off birth control, the world is a much scarier place
The moral of the story is do not hire me because everything will end up smelling like pickles and I will not sufficiently clean it up.
Good news! I don't have Hep C! Better news! I still hate you!
We have six bottles of wine and we are at target buying baby oil to grease up the sleds with, just in case you're interested.
Returning my drunken purchases from last night. Not a single thing I bought was on sale.
I couldn't drown my sorrows in an ocean of jack daniels. They may have scuba gear.
This guy kept trying to use "see? I'm clean. Cleared by the plasma place today." as a pick up line. This is not okay.
UHG. i just want to have hot lesbian sex and eat pizza with you.
Oh my fucking god, I was conceived on the first date.
I just thought you should know... Instead of a glass of wine before bed I am having a few shots of 1800. This is what being a night shift nurse will do to you... Standing in your kitchen in your undies doing shots
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