The first sip always goes straight to my vagina.
She said she had a thing for dinosaurs. Come get me now
No mine's bigger. It just looks smaller because I'm drunk
Hold on. She's wrapped herself in toilet paper and is scaring the dog.
Too many margaritas?
Just found the bucket list I wrote when I was high...somehow I dont think "jello swimming pool" is gonna happen.
no, no, no. omg. i said i wanted a SANDWICH! not a picture of your dick. damn cant you read? SANDWICH! now im blinded. great job.
That's fun. I just masturbated and I swear my vagina creaked.
When the doctor said the anal leakage might not be reversible without some lifestyle changes you start asking if it's worth the entertainment value.
He led me to his room and handed me the remote, he left to go take a shower and there is a group of guys across the hall just staring at me... Its like they know something i dont. Help me.
Do you remember doing synchronized hip thrusts to Michael Jackson? Probably one of my favorite parts of the night
Next year for Halloween you can be the sword swallower, with a penis shaped sword.
Shooting a bottle rocket from my penis was entirely justified. Twenty bucks is twenty buck no matter how you look at it
You would be proud of me, I did not take a dab at work today.
I mean, I was going to use them for a beading project, but I guess I could take one and let you bat my dick around like a cat toy.
Woke up with a bed full of sand...care to explain?
Isnt is self explanatory?
Randomize
