wait, did i just see you litter out your window??
umm, i have a hybrid. it cancels out.
dude she wont stop talking about little people big world...she said my penis looked like zach roloff and took a picture with her phone?
I wish I could rss feed the hooker ads on craigslist because it looks suspicious that I check craigslist every hour.
just told my prof that "i dont give a fuck" about the final. nothing like a having a signed employment contract already
I wish I could tell you that the worst thing that happened last night was how he got thrown out of a stripclub for vomitting on the girl giving him a private lapdance. I wish I could tell you that and not be lying.
She was pretty drunk. It was like watching a puppy explore the world for the first time.
He's a cat fanatic .. That was not in the fine print when we started fucking
So the first 4 hours of my morning was equivalent to seeing under water. Things were starting to get better until I remember I drank mustard for free stuff and flossed my teeth with a strand of hair from a stranger in the bathroom.
Those mornings you wake up with a Barbie tramp stamp are the mornings that are the that are going to make me miss this place
I'm sad that I feel like I need to temporarily change your name in my phone from Smashley until you have the baby and can be unsober with us again.
30 year old woman with braces and crocs came into the store today with her boyfriend. what am I doing wrong.
Like woke up with a dick piercing kind of drunk.
I would like to formally reclaim my title of a turn up queen.
You can’t homewreck what the Lord hath brought together.
I woke up in a warehouse with the words “Property of Adam” written on my chest in frosting.
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