I woke up this AM and all of my clothes i wore last night are gone. Instead i am dressed in air jordans, boxers, cargo shorts, and an Affliction t-shirt. the part that upsets me most is that i was with a guy who wears Affliction t-shirts.
I just jerked it to the same porn two nights in a row... and she says I have problems with commitment...
Bar. Show boob. Just one. Free drinks. Instant friends
Guys only need one. Little known secret. You're welcome.
I found it funny that her boobs actually kinda felt like a bag of sand. the 40 year old virgin should feel better about himself.
The UPD just told me that he was going to call the cops if i try to run. you owe me 5 dollars, i told u they arn't real cops
u girls! girls! girls! have fun please don't hook up w/ a roadie! Love, mom
We've completely outdone ourselves. We packaged a collective total of six grams of pot and salvia into little bowl-sized tinfoil capsules. It's totally impossible to tell which is which without comparing, every Friday from now on we pick one out and see what the fuck happens
Dude you were sitting on a bench on the street with her for 45 minutes thinking you were on the bus
A homeless man just asked me if I had seen any "nekkid chicks with heineken bottles run by"
Berkeley was the right choice
Is it too early to start pregaming for St. Patty's?
You have mono. It's like being pregnant, your are excused from normal social niceties like responding to people.
Never thought going to McDonald's alone at 3 AM would end with a blowjob outside some random girl's apartment...
Today is an "outside sex" kind of day.
Just puked in a cup. Poured it out the window.
We fucked for 9 months, but he didn't want anything serious. So, I got rid of him and went on a date with a guy last night that looks like Kylo Ren. Who's really winning here?
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