My whole home page is your drunken face booking, congrats.
She looked like cheddar but tasted like limburger...
So I'm driving and this guy next to me at the stop light is reving his engine and honking at me. Motherfucker thinks that's because I'm asian and drive a honda I'm automatically going to race him
Just tried to put my sweatpants on backwards...the chances of passing my physics exam just went down about 100%.
Another night, another sound of my neighbor almost having an orgasm.
And she used to have such long ones. Sad.
its not fair. if i was a guy, i'd be getting a high five for banging two in one night.
Yes, I did know where her mouth had been, but frankly I think it was a lesson you needed to learn.
I just put on eyeliner and a diff shirt in case the pizza guy is cute. This is what my dating life has come to
He either works for the Irish Mob or I'm being Catfished
He put chocks of wood in front of his doors to stop me from leaving. I'm not nearly drunk enough for that to be appropriate behaviour.
Nah I've been there. The worst you'll see is some hobo peeing in a sewer at 3 am on a Saturday
His last name was woodcox? That just screams I've got a great penis
THIS IS NOT A DECISION I MADE AT ONE IN THE MORNING IM JUST GETTING AROUND TO TELLING YOU ABOUT IT NOW
I gave a handjob to the beat of uptown fuck last night
All I need to do is acquire a Shrek costume.
Please don't traumatize your girlfriend too terribly. Have fun.
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