Hi, I just found this phone under my seat at a brewers game and seeing as you're entered in as 'fillllatio' I figured I'd ask you if you know the illiterate ass who owns this phone. Thanks :)
totally just realized while washing my face that Cetaphil looks like semen.
I wish there was a "friends who have gained the most weight since high school" filter on facebook for when I am feeling fat.
Some chick in the back of my Psychologhy of Addictions class just did a line off her hand. She tried to make it look subtle.
Id like to know where dora the explorers parents are when she goes on all these crazy ass adventures
My epitaph should read "Margaritas: she never learned"
Great News, you CAN smoke bowls with a magnifying glass
Thanks for talking me down from peeing on his window last night.
I am now curious as to how you would have aimed.
She said my new name was "ranch" because I "looked delicious"
The shit I just took was my body's way of telling me bourbon and mixed nuts aren't an appropriate dinner. Well played, colon. WELL. PLAYED.
I'm basically your average "grandpa stuck in a 28 year old woman's body" - i'm super passionate about retirement and crossing on the walk signal.
and SLEEP god I love sleep
Captain and coke. And it's not drinking alone cuz i have a dog
It's like everybody loves Raymond but the total opposite and everyone wants him to die
people need to understand when I say I don't want to drink anymore that doesn't mean tempt me with another bottle of Jose Cuervo.
Florida is balancing how much this place sucks with how many vodkas you can have to cope in order to still be allowed on the plane to leave
Randomize
