i'm eating jello out of a teacup with a fork. awesome?
the last thing i remember was trying to convince him to call over his girlfriend so we could have a threesome
All I remember about walking back home was that I maced my shadow.
I call it my summer of slut; except summer lasts from May until December. It's been incredibly successful
Woke up to the sound of my own moans coming from the tv....evidently it was videotaped.
I show up hung over with mcdonalds. Why wouldn't he have sex with me? It's a fucking leap year...
Promise me you won't have sex in my room
I can't promise you that, but I promise you that I'll try
Might want to in your tub tho. That thing is fucking huge.
You had one beer and one beer can full of vodka and you took a huge gulp of one of them and called it Emily Roulette
His arresting officer when they were busting up the squat party recognized him from the anti-drone protest. He was like Jesus kid, you were sober last time.
So don't be alarmed when you go into your bathroom, he's sleeping in the tub with your brothers dinosaurs. also I'll clean up the sticky floor later. (you don't wanna know)
Welp, I'm allergic to codeine. Found that one out the hard way.
he took my bra off with his teeth, THEN decided he just wanted to make out and cuddle. i don't know what the female version of blue balls is, but i've been living with it since 1 a.m.
He just went to a job interview a sharpie moustache drawn on his face..
Haha just talked to the dude you bit on Thursday. He has been growing a beard to hide the bruising....
I have no idea what happened last night but I sobered up whilst showering with a mop.
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