I'll forget this but out at 4am with a lesbian model at lil waynes bday party for the record
dude, despite what happened last night, I'm not gay
Dude, TWO hot chicks on jeopardy tonight. gonna be a good one
Dude, I am so turned on right now. Hot chick with glasses from brooklyn is absolutely crushing right now, taking whole categories. might beat off to jeapordy...
do another line during during the commercial and make the magic happen during double jeopardy.
if i get an abortion, then will you go out with me?
New universal law, if a movie has a Rob Zombie song in it, its probably a bad movie.
dude that girl has seen more cock ends then weekends
you passed out when you kept trying to hold your breath during the underwater scenes of 2012
I came home to my brother stoned out of his mind. He got a high score on COD and asked me to have a celebration yogurt with him.
They just kept handing me shots and saying welcome to college
Woke up this morning on my doorstep in a basket with a branch, a lipstick lightning bolt on my head and a sign that said "the boy who lived." i love you guys.
I was grossed out that all their candles smelled like vagina and then I remembered where my fingers had been.
All I have in my new place is coke and a treadmill.. it's workout Wednesday
my night stand is a mini fridge, dont even try to get on my level of laziness.
Cover your peen. We're going out.
I have 2 bottles of wine, a sharpie, and a panda mask and don't have to wake up early. Can u do the math on this?
Randomize
